Pick your BATTLES...
I am COMPLETELY ANNOYED right now. I sat down to write this nice little blog on some helpful tips on NEW Mommyhood and I can't pull it together! Instead I am thinking about my 3 and 4 year old. My son Preston in particular. He's home with me on a daily basis while big sister Violet goes to school. From the MINUTE we drop Violet off at school, the whole day he spends asking me, "Mommy, when we goin to pick up Violet?" ALL DAY NO, JOKE! Then the MINUTE she gets in the car, they battle,make up,battle, make up...etc...
Here's MY Nitty Gritty Truth on Competition - Sibling Rivalry & Competition in a marriage.
It's crazy to me the way they act towards one another. I am really trying here. I am trying not to lose my cool on either kid. Some days I just want to scream to the heavens and ask, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!!" Then I have my moments where I sit and watch them play. I can hear the calmness in their voices, the genuine love that comes from their hearts. They are sharing and playing nicely, they are having such a great time, Violet is playing school, Preston is playing dinosaurs (having everyone of his toys lined up perfectly...) and they are interacting with one another AMAZINGLY! Then, BAM.... one of them does something to hurt the other ones feelings, Preston SCREAMS at the top of his lungs, Violet then starts to plead her case to him, He's screaming more, "VVVVVIIIIOOOOLLLLLEEEETTTTTTTT!!!!!" She then will look at him, and say, "YOU DONT HAVE TO YELL!!!!" in a YELLING tone herself... I then look up at the sky and often wonder WHY MEEEEE??? Can't I have just ONE CALM day, would that be TOO MUCH to ask???
Violet and Preston are 13 months apart. They COMPETE! When I say COMPETE, I mean COMPETE.... about EVERYTHING! I am constantly reminding them that NOT EVERYTHING between them NEEDS to be a competition. Oh, yeah right! Who am I kidding? My brother James and I who are very close in age, we were ALWAYS in a competition. Do I really expect anything different from my children? Funny thing is, James and I STILL compete and we are both in our 30's. Do we EVER out grow this whole Sibling Rivalry thing? I am starting to think not.
I want my children to have a HEALTHY dose of competition. It's a GOOD thing in my opinion. I just don't want them to be over the top with one another. Let's see, Violet and Preston (13 Months apart.) Juliana and Parker (Twins) - Violet & Juliana (4 1/2 years apart), Preston & Parker (3.5 years apart). I would say looking at the odds and the age spreads, I am in for a whole world of competition.
I want to figure out a way to channel it differently. Again, I don't mind a healthy dose of competition in the house, I am sure they see it from Daddy and Me on a daily basis. We are both WINNERS! Hahahaha, You can't EVER have 2 winners. So are we really "WINNERS" when our competitive attitude is coming in between our UNITY??? Plus what type of example are we showing our children. We are setting them ALL up to have the need to compete with one another inside their home. A home that is supposed to be an area where they can just be themselves and will be loved ANYWAY! Inside the home, I want my kids, my husband and myself to still have that drive and winning attitude , but I also want it to be OUR place were we can just let go. We don't always feel like we have to WIN every minute of every day... Especially when the competition is against one another. Bill and I are so similar in many ways, but so different too. I am starting to realize more and more that every little move we make, our children are Mimicking. I mean almost to a fault in my eyes.
I have realized that I don't want our kids to always behave the way we do. I want our children to LISTEN to one another and not be so stuck in their ways that they can't stop for a minute and LOOK at ANOTHER way of doing something. Tonight was a perfect example of one the RELATIONSHIP struggles, I feel like married couples with children could possibly run into.
I have MY way of doing something and I like it done MY way.
I try so hard to make this a non reality in our relationship, but the reality is.... It still finds its way into our home on a DAILY BASIS! It's hard to let go. I try to let go. I want to let go. I NEED to let go. Especially when raising children together. GIVE AND TAKE... right???? So much easier said then done. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and in those 6 years we have added 4 bundles of joys to our world. It seems crazy, I know. But we have managed to survive this so far with the love and support of our Family, Friends to lean on and lets not leave out the TRUTH, some professional counseling.... My whole point is My Hubby and I compete with one another and it needs to SLOW DOWN, even STOPPING it all together would be nice. He is a competitor. I am a competitor. On a DAILY basis WE (meaning I have to remind him) have to remind ourselves that we are on the SAME TEAM! We are working for the same common goal. When WE are there... WE are SOLID. When we're not there, well it pretty much just sucks!
I get questions all the time about relationships. How children affect a marriage. What do I do to make it through? Me personally, I work very hard at controlling MYSELF, in order NOT to TRY to CONTROL him. Nothing good comes out of trying to change someone else. Nothing good comes out of fighting over nothing. I figure, if it's worth a fight... It has to be something worth fighting for! After we first got married we had Violet. Then Preston was born 13 months later. With all that Life Change, We were at a loss and had a hard time in our relationship. We had to find a way to come together. Relationships in general take work. Let alone the ones that have the whole raising kids line attached to it.
I would suggest to ANYONE that's married and plans to have or has children. Find a way to make sure that you COMMUNICATE with one another. Find a way to make one another FEEL APPRECIATED! Find a way to make one another feel HEARD and if you compete like my husband and I do, one of you (what I really mean is Wifey's) try to make a conscious effort to back down once in a while. It will save a lot of little fights that don't mean a thing. "Pick your battles" great to say when parenting, great to say when in a relationship. Also, one thing that I would HIGHLY recommend is reading the book, The five Love Languages. I mentioned before in another blog, the children's book. They have one for relationships too. Its a great tool to find out and then remind yourself, HOW your partner receives FEELING LOVED & Shows LOVE!!!
I hope this is HELPFUL!
That's MY Nitty Gritty Truth,
Anne
Violet (3) & Preston (2)
Here's MY Nitty Gritty Truth on Competition - Sibling Rivalry & Competition in a marriage.
It's crazy to me the way they act towards one another. I am really trying here. I am trying not to lose my cool on either kid. Some days I just want to scream to the heavens and ask, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!!" Then I have my moments where I sit and watch them play. I can hear the calmness in their voices, the genuine love that comes from their hearts. They are sharing and playing nicely, they are having such a great time, Violet is playing school, Preston is playing dinosaurs (having everyone of his toys lined up perfectly...) and they are interacting with one another AMAZINGLY! Then, BAM.... one of them does something to hurt the other ones feelings, Preston SCREAMS at the top of his lungs, Violet then starts to plead her case to him, He's screaming more, "VVVVVIIIIOOOOLLLLLEEEETTTTTTTT!!!!!" She then will look at him, and say, "YOU DONT HAVE TO YELL!!!!" in a YELLING tone herself... I then look up at the sky and often wonder WHY MEEEEE??? Can't I have just ONE CALM day, would that be TOO MUCH to ask???
Parker James (10 Months)
Violet and Preston are 13 months apart. They COMPETE! When I say COMPETE, I mean COMPETE.... about EVERYTHING! I am constantly reminding them that NOT EVERYTHING between them NEEDS to be a competition. Oh, yeah right! Who am I kidding? My brother James and I who are very close in age, we were ALWAYS in a competition. Do I really expect anything different from my children? Funny thing is, James and I STILL compete and we are both in our 30's. Do we EVER out grow this whole Sibling Rivalry thing? I am starting to think not.
Preston (4.5) & Parker (10 months)
I want my children to have a HEALTHY dose of competition. It's a GOOD thing in my opinion. I just don't want them to be over the top with one another. Let's see, Violet and Preston (13 Months apart.) Juliana and Parker (Twins) - Violet & Juliana (4 1/2 years apart), Preston & Parker (3.5 years apart). I would say looking at the odds and the age spreads, I am in for a whole world of competition.
Mommy Pregnant with Twins & Daddy... Go Gators!
I want to figure out a way to channel it differently. Again, I don't mind a healthy dose of competition in the house, I am sure they see it from Daddy and Me on a daily basis. We are both WINNERS! Hahahaha, You can't EVER have 2 winners. So are we really "WINNERS" when our competitive attitude is coming in between our UNITY??? Plus what type of example are we showing our children. We are setting them ALL up to have the need to compete with one another inside their home. A home that is supposed to be an area where they can just be themselves and will be loved ANYWAY! Inside the home, I want my kids, my husband and myself to still have that drive and winning attitude , but I also want it to be OUR place were we can just let go. We don't always feel like we have to WIN every minute of every day... Especially when the competition is against one another. Bill and I are so similar in many ways, but so different too. I am starting to realize more and more that every little move we make, our children are Mimicking. I mean almost to a fault in my eyes.
I have realized that I don't want our kids to always behave the way we do. I want our children to LISTEN to one another and not be so stuck in their ways that they can't stop for a minute and LOOK at ANOTHER way of doing something. Tonight was a perfect example of one the RELATIONSHIP struggles, I feel like married couples with children could possibly run into.
Juliana Marie (10months)
I have MY way of doing something and I like it done MY way.
I try so hard to make this a non reality in our relationship, but the reality is.... It still finds its way into our home on a DAILY BASIS! It's hard to let go. I try to let go. I want to let go. I NEED to let go. Especially when raising children together. GIVE AND TAKE... right???? So much easier said then done. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and in those 6 years we have added 4 bundles of joys to our world. It seems crazy, I know. But we have managed to survive this so far with the love and support of our Family, Friends to lean on and lets not leave out the TRUTH, some professional counseling.... My whole point is My Hubby and I compete with one another and it needs to SLOW DOWN, even STOPPING it all together would be nice. He is a competitor. I am a competitor. On a DAILY basis WE (meaning I have to remind him) have to remind ourselves that we are on the SAME TEAM! We are working for the same common goal. When WE are there... WE are SOLID. When we're not there, well it pretty much just sucks!
I get questions all the time about relationships. How children affect a marriage. What do I do to make it through? Me personally, I work very hard at controlling MYSELF, in order NOT to TRY to CONTROL him. Nothing good comes out of trying to change someone else. Nothing good comes out of fighting over nothing. I figure, if it's worth a fight... It has to be something worth fighting for! After we first got married we had Violet. Then Preston was born 13 months later. With all that Life Change, We were at a loss and had a hard time in our relationship. We had to find a way to come together. Relationships in general take work. Let alone the ones that have the whole raising kids line attached to it.
Violet & Preston - making Friendship Bracelets
I would suggest to ANYONE that's married and plans to have or has children. Find a way to make sure that you COMMUNICATE with one another. Find a way to make one another FEEL APPRECIATED! Find a way to make one another feel HEARD and if you compete like my husband and I do, one of you (what I really mean is Wifey's) try to make a conscious effort to back down once in a while. It will save a lot of little fights that don't mean a thing. "Pick your battles" great to say when parenting, great to say when in a relationship. Also, one thing that I would HIGHLY recommend is reading the book, The five Love Languages. I mentioned before in another blog, the children's book. They have one for relationships too. Its a great tool to find out and then remind yourself, HOW your partner receives FEELING LOVED & Shows LOVE!!!
I hope this is HELPFUL!
That's MY Nitty Gritty Truth,
Anne
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