I'M PREGNANT!!!
There is something MAGICAL when a baby is laying on your chest sleeping. Words cannot even describe how much love is exchanged in that moment. I never imagined how BIG my HEART could feel until I had my 4 little loves. MY heart and MY love for all of them, grows daily. It's a love that shouldn't need effort. Unconditional love. The love that when they look at you and smile, your heart melts just a little more. After Parker's breathing treatment tonight, he snuggled up on me and fell asleep. I let it be. I enjoyed it. I took it in. My heart melted and I fell MORE IN LOVE with that little man! Possible you ask??? ABSOLUTELY!!!
I have people ask me all the time, "What was it like, finding out that you were pregnant." Here is one of the 3 posts I will share on this subject. The post I wrote called SURPRISE.... TWINS, is where I shared MY story on when I found out I was pregnant with Juliana and Parker.
Here's MY Nitty Gritty Truth about when I found out that I was PREGNANT for the FIRST TIME!
In 2005, I had a LEEP procedure done. My doctor told me that my cervix MAY or MAY NOT be able to carry a child... It scared me to the point of taking the "thought" of having kids, off the table for me. I NEVER wanted to TRY for a baby. I never wanted to have that pressure. Most of all, I didn't want the disappointment. I had MY fears. What if I couldn't have a baby? What if I did get pregnant and I couldn't carry a baby? I would think about this and cry over it. When my doctor told me that I MAY NEVER be able to carry a child, it scared me. I didn't really know what to think. I was a mess. Therefore, I didn't ever want to TRY. If it was going to happen for ME, it was going to happen, but not because I was trying. My BIGGEST FEAR was... Finding out that I was pregnant for the FIRST time. I was so afraid of having a miscarriage because of MY cervix being too thin. it SCARED me. To a point of no explanation.
In Nov 2006, I got pregnant with my first baby Violet Francesca. I didn't actually find out that I WAS pregnant until New Years Eve. Honestly, I believe that I was in DENIAL. I had morning sickness, smell sickness, just had eaten something and had to vomit sickness, I was super TIRED and MOODY and thought... "NO WAY, I could be pregnant."
So, YES even with all those symptoms... I was AFRAID to take a test. I wasn't sure that I wanted to know the results. Therefore, I felt like I may have been in a bit of DENIAL.
It was New Year's Eve 2006 and MY mother calls me. She says, "Anne, my dear daughter... What are you and Bill doing tonight?" I tell her, "I'm not sure, WHY." She then says to me, "Will you PLEASE go and get a PREGNANCY TEST, I just want to make sure that you're not pregnant before you go out tonight..." I say, "Mom, I'M NOT PREGNANT!" She pleaded her case again, this time it was followed up with a, "PLEASE, I really don't want my grand baby to have to get drunk if he/she doesn't have to be..." I mean seriously, How could I refuse the request now...
You know that feeling, when you were a child and your Mom called you in to do something; You listened to her request and responded with a "Yes Mother" then you walked away with your head down, your voice low and you knew that she was right in what she was asking you to do (but you still didn't want to admit... that she's right) That's how I felt in that moment. I felt like, I knew she COULD BE right. But I didn't know if I WAS READY to find out... Well of course, until she reminded me that if I went out that night and drank, that her grand baby, MY baby would be drinking too.
Within minutes of our conversation, I left and went to Publix to buy the good ole pregnancy test. Oh yea,FUN Anxious Moment for me! Funny thing was, Bill was laying on the couch watching a movie and had no idea that I am even doing this. We both had NO IDEA that our life was about to change!
Again, DENIAL... I DID NOT believe that I had ANYTHING to worry about. New Years Eve and I am on my way to the grocery store at 7pm to pick up a pregnancy test! I thought, let's just find out! I get home and took MY pregnancy test... IMMEDIATELY the double lines show up. They are BRIGHT RED. I mean, it couldn't have been more than 5 seconds.. I start to cry... then laugh... then cry so more... then start to laugh hysterically... then sob... ending with a little, " Anne, Pull it together speech..." Time to go tell Daddy to be...
I walk out into the living room. The room is pitch black except the light of the Movie... I sit on the chair that it the furthest away from him. I am sitting there for about 5 minutes... He finally looks at me and asks me if "I'm OK..." I think to MYSELF, "HELL NO, I am NOT OK..." But I just respond to him with "Well, I need to tell you something..." I'm sure, that EVERY MAN LOVES TO HEAR that line coming out of a woman's mouth. He's pretty chill, so he didn't really think anything of it. He is still laying there just watching his movie... I said to him, "Babe, did you hear me? I really have to tell you something..." He then says, "What's up... Tell me" Hmmm, OK. In a very LOW voice, I say, "Well, babe... I'm pregnant." He laughs a little... OK, Does He think that I'm JOKING? I say it again, "No honey, I'm not kidding... I'm pregnant." He then sits up and says, "You're serious." I said, "Yes..." He says, "Well, where's the test?" I go and get the pregnancy test out of the bathroom and bring it to him.
He then shoots up off the couch, walks over to our dining room, hits on the lights and then looks at the test. He then looks at me and says, "HOW DO YOU READ THIS THING?" I responded (in my nice voice), "The Plus sign, that means POSITIVE." I think that Bill was in a little shock. He then picks me up in our dining room and starts spinning me around, like if we were in a dance competition. My heart then relaxed as I realized in that moment, NO Matter what, everything would be fine.
Bill and I did not start OUR marriage in a traditional manor. We found out that I was pregnant before WE decided to get married. I remember how scared I was, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know HOW this was all going to end up. I wasn't sure about anything. I just knew that at this point; MY job was to take care of MYSELF and now this little BABY that was growing in me. I have learned that OUR relationship takes a lot of work, compromise and love. We work at it on a daily basis. But what WE BOTH have in COMMON, is the DRIVE to make it work. Finding out I was pregnant was scary but I ended up carrying a healthy baby girl. Then we soon realized that I may be a HIGH RISK pregnancy, but I am able to carry babies! Then I sneezed and got pregnant 2 more times... Once with a boy and then with TWINS!
My family's fairytale didn't start the day I said, "I DO..." it started the day I said, "I'm Pregnant...."
We have seen our days of success and struggles. As most couples do. I have learned that whatever the outcome, things have a way of working themselves out. At that time, back in 2006. I found myself in a situation were I was working full time, I just bought my first house, I had a live in wonderful boyfriend and I was now pregnant. I didn't know what my future held. I didn't even know if I was going to be able to carry this baby. I took it day by day, as I still do.
I hope this is HELPFUL.
That's MY Nitty Gritty Truth,
Anne
Mommy & Parker James
I have people ask me all the time, "What was it like, finding out that you were pregnant." Here is one of the 3 posts I will share on this subject. The post I wrote called SURPRISE.... TWINS, is where I shared MY story on when I found out I was pregnant with Juliana and Parker.
Here's MY Nitty Gritty Truth about when I found out that I was PREGNANT for the FIRST TIME!
In 2005, I had a LEEP procedure done. My doctor told me that my cervix MAY or MAY NOT be able to carry a child... It scared me to the point of taking the "thought" of having kids, off the table for me. I NEVER wanted to TRY for a baby. I never wanted to have that pressure. Most of all, I didn't want the disappointment. I had MY fears. What if I couldn't have a baby? What if I did get pregnant and I couldn't carry a baby? I would think about this and cry over it. When my doctor told me that I MAY NEVER be able to carry a child, it scared me. I didn't really know what to think. I was a mess. Therefore, I didn't ever want to TRY. If it was going to happen for ME, it was going to happen, but not because I was trying. My BIGGEST FEAR was... Finding out that I was pregnant for the FIRST time. I was so afraid of having a miscarriage because of MY cervix being too thin. it SCARED me. To a point of no explanation.
Violet - 4 years young
In Nov 2006, I got pregnant with my first baby Violet Francesca. I didn't actually find out that I WAS pregnant until New Years Eve. Honestly, I believe that I was in DENIAL. I had morning sickness, smell sickness, just had eaten something and had to vomit sickness, I was super TIRED and MOODY and thought... "NO WAY, I could be pregnant."
So, YES even with all those symptoms... I was AFRAID to take a test. I wasn't sure that I wanted to know the results. Therefore, I felt like I may have been in a bit of DENIAL.
It was New Year's Eve 2006 and MY mother calls me. She says, "Anne, my dear daughter... What are you and Bill doing tonight?" I tell her, "I'm not sure, WHY." She then says to me, "Will you PLEASE go and get a PREGNANCY TEST, I just want to make sure that you're not pregnant before you go out tonight..." I say, "Mom, I'M NOT PREGNANT!" She pleaded her case again, this time it was followed up with a, "PLEASE, I really don't want my grand baby to have to get drunk if he/she doesn't have to be..." I mean seriously, How could I refuse the request now...
Nani & Violet 4th bday - Aug 8, 2011
You know that feeling, when you were a child and your Mom called you in to do something; You listened to her request and responded with a "Yes Mother" then you walked away with your head down, your voice low and you knew that she was right in what she was asking you to do (but you still didn't want to admit... that she's right) That's how I felt in that moment. I felt like, I knew she COULD BE right. But I didn't know if I WAS READY to find out... Well of course, until she reminded me that if I went out that night and drank, that her grand baby, MY baby would be drinking too.
Within minutes of our conversation, I left and went to Publix to buy the good ole pregnancy test. Oh yea,
Violet holding Juliana - March 2012
Again, DENIAL... I DID NOT believe that I had ANYTHING to worry about. New Years Eve and I am on my way to the grocery store at 7pm to pick up a pregnancy test! I thought, let's just find out! I get home and took MY pregnancy test... IMMEDIATELY the double lines show up. They are BRIGHT RED. I mean, it couldn't have been more than 5 seconds.. I start to cry... then laugh... then cry so more... then start to laugh hysterically... then sob... ending with a little, " Anne, Pull it together speech..." Time to go tell Daddy to be...
Preston loving on his baby brother Parker
He then shoots up off the couch, walks over to our dining room, hits on the lights and then looks at the test. He then looks at me and says, "HOW DO YOU READ THIS THING?" I responded (in my nice voice), "The Plus sign, that means POSITIVE." I think that Bill was in a little shock. He then picks me up in our dining room and starts spinning me around, like if we were in a dance competition. My heart then relaxed as I realized in that moment, NO Matter what, everything would be fine.
Juliana & Parker - Oct. 2012
Bill and I did not start OUR marriage in a traditional manor. We found out that I was pregnant before WE decided to get married. I remember how scared I was, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know HOW this was all going to end up. I wasn't sure about anything. I just knew that at this point; MY job was to take care of MYSELF and now this little BABY that was growing in me. I have learned that OUR relationship takes a lot of work, compromise and love. We work at it on a daily basis. But what WE BOTH have in COMMON, is the DRIVE to make it work. Finding out I was pregnant was scary but I ended up carrying a healthy baby girl. Then we soon realized that I may be a HIGH RISK pregnancy, but I am able to carry babies! Then I sneezed and got pregnant 2 more times... Once with a boy and then with TWINS!
My family's fairytale didn't start the day I said, "I DO..." it started the day I said, "I'm Pregnant...."
We have seen our days of success and struggles. As most couples do. I have learned that whatever the outcome, things have a way of working themselves out. At that time, back in 2006. I found myself in a situation were I was working full time, I just bought my first house, I had a live in wonderful boyfriend and I was now pregnant. I didn't know what my future held. I didn't even know if I was going to be able to carry this baby. I took it day by day, as I still do.
I hope this is HELPFUL.
That's MY Nitty Gritty Truth,
Anne
I specifically remember ALL the times you told me you were pregnant. And, I remember the fear in the beginning of all the jumble too. GOD is good and He knew what you were capable of...and AMAZING one you are my dear. This blog just brought back a lot of memories for me...and a tear of course! I think I'll go have a McDonalds milkshake in honor of Anne & Violet for old times sake!!!! ;)
ReplyDeleteYes! I believe that GOD is very good to me. not a day goes by that I don't count my blessings!!! As they are very apparent to me!!! Girl, you were one of my partners back in good ole 2007, during this pregnancy and Preston's.... I wish I was still working side by side with you and we could enjoy our FAT TUESDAY, wed, thurs, fri or whatever day I wanted to indulge in "eating for 2" <3
DeleteThis post gave me goosebumps and a little tear in my eye. I didn't know any of that and I know the fear you are talking about. I had a miscarriage exactly 2 years before I got pregnant with my daughter. Every single day I was terrified that I would lose her, too. She is MY miracle baby, for that reason and SO MANY MORE. God knows what he's doing & I'm eternally grateful to Him for my dear Olivia! xoxo ~Jackie~
ReplyDelete